The model answer below is for an IELTS cause and solution essay in writing task 2 on the topic of crime and punishment.
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
A large number of criminals who serve their first prison sentence, leave prison only to reoffend. This is mainly because of the lack of rehabilitation and difficulty finding regular employment once released. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with criminals who reoffend.
Firstly, the reason for most first-time offenders committing crimes again, once they have been released from prison, is due to the lack of rehabilitation whilst in prison. In other words, offenders are not given a chance to retrain and learn new skills for their future or develop a deeper understanding of correct moral behaviour and instead mix with other criminals, which only strengthens their criminal intentions. Secondly, repeat offending is also owing to the difficulty in finding employment after being released. As a result, many of them struggle financially which leads them back to crime, regardless of the consequences.
There are two effective solutions to the problem of repeat offenders. One way to tackle this is to ensure that all criminals entering prison are given the chance to retrain with useful skills which will hopefully ensure them a job after they have served their sentence. By doing this, it will help them reintegrate back into society and give them some means of supporting themselves financially. Another method of dealing with criminals who reoffend is to have more supervision and checks in place when they are back in society. This solution would hopefully prevent them from taking any chances and deter them from reoffending because they are being so closely watched.
In conclusion, having training in prison and also close observation when first time offenders are released are effective in dealing with the issue. If governments implemented these solutions, crime figures would soon drop.
Comments
This essay address the task completely. Both causes and solutions are given and developed with relevant ideas. Linking is used not only effectively but also flexibly. Paragraphing is also used effectively to help the reader. There is a range of sentence structures and also tenses used. Vocabulary is also flexible with a good range of less common words. Essay Length: 290 words
IELTS Model Essays
Hello liz.
Your website is not less than a jackpot for persons , who are preparing for ielts exam.
I was reading one of your sample essays and now I have 3 interrelated questions.
1) is it important to give examples in each body paragraphs ? ( I am curious to know because you didnot write any examples in that essay)
2) if we donot add examples then can we loose marks?
3) can we make our own examples to add.
( for eg: an article published in “the times” stated that ………. ) or ( A recent study conducted in the USA revealed that ……..)
( I hope my questions are making sense)
You should use examples as you wish and when you wish. you can choose to illustrate your ideas in other ways rather than just with examples.
As I said, you can choose to illustrate in other ways.
You won’t get a higher score because you give the source of information. This isn’t an university essay. IELTS do not care where the information comes from. So, don’t waste your words on something that won’t increase your score.
For the above essay, it would have been possible to add an example of types of crime – ie minor crime and major crime. However, this essay is already very well detailed and explained so it requires nothing more. We often use examples to illustrate a point in more specific detail to facilitate understanding.
Hi Liz,
In a few latest comments from almost a year ago, I can see your health hasn’t been so good. I really hope you’re doing well 🙂
Also, if you could please, I have a query-
In a Cause/Solution essay, can I organise my points in the below mentioned way or it doesn’t bode well for task response criterion?
Introduction para
BP 1 Causes- point 1 + supporting points
BP 2 Causes- point 2 + supporting points
BP 3 Solution- 2 points and supporting points
Conclusion para
I’d like to mention here that I’ve developed both ideas well but in order to avoid making Causes para too long, I broke it down to two body paragraphs.
Thanks.
This organisation is not logical. The causes are 50% of the essay and the solutions are 50% of the essay. However, with your paragraphing, you have given about 66% to causes and 33% to solutions. This is something to avoid. The task given to you will help you plan paragraphs.
Dear Mam,
Please clarify my confusion about the use of deter in last sentence of 3rd paragraphs. Why it is not “deters”, instead of “deter” ?
Another doubt about ” are released are effective” that you used in second line of conclusion. I am unfamiliar about such kind of sentence structure. Please clarify.
You are doing great job mam, Salute!!! Wish you good health.
This is because the sentence in full is: “This solution would hopefully prevent them from taking any chances and would deter them from ….”
When we write like this, we do not have to repeat certain words in the second clause. The grammar tense is also ready presumed from the first clause.
Liz. I just found your site, really this is very much informative.
So I am really interested reading with this site
thank you
Hi Liz, I hope I find you better. I have got a query on the way you paraphrased the background statement. The statement says ‘first punishment’ but you paraphrased it as ‘first prison’. Is it not possible for the first punishment be in other forms such as community service, fine, etc
You are referring to the paraphrase “first prison sentence” which means first punishment in prison. This whole issue is about re-offenders and this is all about prison, not community service. There are no world issues about community service or paying a fine teaching people bad habits which cause them to re-offend. While it isn’t stated, it is presumed. Also the word “serving” is used with prison, not with fines or community service. We do community service and we pay a fine, but we serve a prison sentence.
In the speaking test, this is something you could talk about in part 3. You could dispute the question. The examiner would probably interrupt you and paraphrase it to bring you on topic. In writing task 2, you must understand immediately. Yes, it is true that you need to look at holes in the essay question – ie is this referring to only young children or all children or all people. But with this essay question, it is about prison, not paying a fine.
can we use active voice and passive voice in the same sentence.
please reply me as soon as possible.
It is thought that people will ….
That is a passive voice with an active future tense.
Hy Liz. Thank you for your great info on IELTS
I am a bit confused about cause , solution and give reasons for your answer. Are the reasons not part of the causes
You have two tasks – causes and solutions. The word “cause” can also be paraphrased as “reason”. The above essay provides causes and solutions – this means the task is completed.
Saddened to hear from you that. How are you now? I pray God to bestow you with all the good health
Thank you for your kind words. I’m still sick, but not as sick as I was a few years ago. I hope this upward trend will continue next year 🙂
Dear Liz,
My friend and I took our exam about 16 days ago, and finally we got the reault what we wanted(9-8.5-7.5-7). Your videos were extremely beneficial for my writing. Thank u so much. ❤
And the sad part was when I was watching ur videos and your sickness popping to my head… I dont know what u r coping with right now, but Im sure u will conquer it soon. 😍
Best regarda,
Ahmad and Rana
It’s lovely to see both of your results. Very well done to you both 🙂 Thanks for your message about my health. I really hope to be well in a year or so – I have learned the importance of patience and determination which I’m sure many IELTS test takers will be familiar with 🙂
God will touch you with healing hands ! Get well soon!
Thanks.
Dear Ahmad, kindly please send those video to me in order to prepare for my exam after the lock down,i would have been requested for the videos,but the situation here in Nigerian is not palatable.
The videos are available for free on this site. Go to the HOME page and select the part of the test you wish to study for free. You will find free videos, practice exercises, tips, topics, model answers etc etc. OR use the RED MENU BAR at the top of the website to access those sections.
Hi Liz
If I write an essay in the comment box, could you please check my writing.
Sorry I don’t offer that service. I like to help but I don’t have time to comment on writing.
Hello dear Liz. I’ ver purchased all your advance videos, yet I wonder why I cant find the vidoes related to cause/solution and direct question essay. Dont you have any videos discussing those two types?
BTW, you are so popular in my country 🙂 ❤
Unfortunately, I became very sick after making those video lessons and my health has not recovered enough since then to make more. I’m hoping later next year I might be able to make videos again, but it isn’t certain. Glad you like my lessons 🙂
Ohhhhhh! 😔😔😔☹☹☹ So sad to hear dear Liz. I really, really hope you get better so soon, and whatever ur problem is gets solved. Next year, which will be after my exam, I’ll be waiting for ur new vidoes, so that I see u r alright 😊
BTW, I’m really excited that u replied🙈😅
Regards
Thanks and good luck with your test 🙂
Praying for your health!! you are such a blessing and an excellent teacher.
Thanks 🙂
Liz, you are going to get through this. Let me tell you why. Through your perseverance and your positive mindset, you have become extremely adept at finding solutions to problems that have brought most people down. You’ve aced limitations like these in style and have helped others do so.
Moreover, you’ve been a constant guide to a lot of us, giving us the direction, motivation and drive to perform well. We pray and root for your good health knowing full well that our teacher’s going to get a 9 on this test.
All I ask of you is to not lose hope and try to find happiness in every day and carry on being the golden-hearted-ever-smiling-hero that you are!
I don’t know what to say. I’m really touched by your comment. It brought tears to my eyes. Even though I am a very strong, positive person, things have been really tough for me at times and I often wondered if I would survive this struggle. Your comment has given me renewed strength and reinforced my determination to keep fighting for my health. Thank you many times over 🙂 We all of us need positive vibes to keep strong 🙂 Wishing you all the best for 2020!!
hi liz, i hope you get better soon,you always spread happiness and cheerful dear.you has an amazing way in teaching and conveying the information.
Thank you, Kout 🙂
Hi Liz,
BIG FAN of your Teachings 🙂
I simple love all your essays, feels like they are written so effortlessly… So very clear, easy to understand, follow and logical! I am in love with the way you write and present the ideas.
I have my exam day after tommrow, I hope to write an essay in exam not completely upto your level but at least a bit nearby to get a band 7. Thank you for your valuable lessons and your paid video lessons are super helpful and MUST HAVE…, Thanks again!! Godbless!
I wish you lots of luck in your test!! Make sure you review the linking words: https://ieltsliz.com/linking-words-for-writing/. A lot of people forget to review their linking words – using them well will help your score. Also review all my last minute tips for each section of the test: https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-help-faq/
Hi Liz,
Thanks, surely will read and review that. Also, Thank you so much for your wishes… It means a lot to me 🙂
Dear liz,
I see you havent given a single example in this essay, how will it fulfill the task response criteria?
An example using “for example” or “for instance” is not a requirement. There are many ways to illustrate your point without giving direct examples.
Can we use phrases like “ earn our living “ in ielts essays??
What you need to ask yourself is: Is this an informal expression for informal use or is it an expression that is used in a variety of contexts, both serious and informal? Answer that question and you will know if you can use it in writing task 2. If you are ever in doubt during the test, don’t take risks.
Hi Liz, thanks a lot for sharing lots of useful tips and learning resourses!
After reading this essay, I wonder if it’s possible to get band 9 in writing without giving any examples? As far as I know, we should always support ideas with examples in Ielts essays.
Please help me to clarify this!
Thank you!!
Examples are given if or when relevant. They are not a requirement. Also there are many ways to illustrate a point without using a direct example.
Hey miss liz,
i was wondering about your writing task 2 videos, you’ve been saying all the time that we should write (mostly everything) in the academic way. Please answer me, does these rules works for the general training exam as well or what shall i do in this situation ?
The GT Essay is the same as the Academic Essay. They are both formal essays with the same marking criteria and scoring. GT essay questions are sometimes easier. But the style is the same – it is formal.
Hi Liz,
Thank you for the amazing tips. My exam is on 19th July and I am struggling with writing task 2. I am consuming a lot of time in thinking about the ideas and examples, leaving me with no time at the end to review my essay. Could you please review and provide your comments that whether the content is relevant or not, please as I have very less time left to practice. My aim is to score 7.5. Do you think the below essay is good enough for 7.5.
Q: In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Over the past few years, it has been noticed in most of the countries that the limited number of youths are interested in reading newspaper or watching current affairs on TV. There could be different reasons for the raised concern, which I will now discuss in this essay and then I will also provide the corrective measures for combating this issue.
The genesis of this problem lies in social networking sites, which has taken all the eyes of the public and it is not wrong to say that technology has fastened our lives. For instance, the life of the youth has become a challenge nowadays, which i snot just limited to success in career but also to cope up with the changing society in terms of fashion and the increasing desires. They have a lot on their list other than knowing what is happening in their countries. Also in general, most of the content broadcasted on the TV is irrelevant and newspaper have lost its meaning since the advent of the digital market.
To resolve this issue and to make our young blood aware of the importance of the news, it is incumbent to add current affairs as a mandatory subject in schools, colleges as well as in the professional settings. In addition to this, time spent on surfing the internet should be monitored, as it will help them to manage their time efficiently. Above all, the key is to inculcate the feeling of patriotism in the youth so that they could understand the importance of knowing the situation of the country and outside world.
In conclusion, knowing the fact that the majority of the young people fail to understand the necessity of news, it is the utmost responsibility of the elders to make them aware of its consequences. I understand, all news is not relevant but knowledge of current affairs would help in making up the minds for the future.
Thanks a lot for your support.
Hi Ankara, Please watch Liz’s videos on IELTS task2 they are very helpful and many people who have taken their exam rave about them. Good luck and hope this helps.
Hello Liz,
Thanks for the tremendous help from your site, it has helped me a lot in my writing. Pls help me check if I paraphrased this topic properly because I think, I kind of over paraphrased it.
Topic: Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for world poverty? How can the poor be helped?
Introduction: There is an existence of impoverished people all over the nations of the world and each of these nations have adopted various methods in tackling the issues relating to destitute. However, lack of education and bad governance are the key reasons for global hardship, hence, adequate education and good leadership is required to aid the poor.
Yes, you over paraphrased. Keep the meaning clear at all times. Your aim is to produce perfect sentences: Different countries have different methods of tackling poverty. Poverty is caused by……
Hi Liz,
In problems and solutions essays, is it fine to write a problem and its solution in first paragraph and then another problem and its solution in second paragraph?
In the case of problem/solution, the problems and solutions are directly linked and it is possible to do that.
Thanks Liz for the clarification.
liz,
can i illustrate the causes in two paragraph and write the solution and conclusion on final final paragraph which is basically a conclusion paragraph
The causes are 50% of your essay task and the solutions are 50% of your essay task. If you wish to ignore the instructions and decide the causes are more important, that is your choice. But you will be failing on proper task fulfilment. This is basic common sense. IELTS is all about logical approach.